I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He did a backflip because drugs
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
