oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
