I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize
