12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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