I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
