Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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