You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
