WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
