I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
