I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
