I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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