girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
