dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
