Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize
