Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
You took a bar mat shot.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
