So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
