What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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