he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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