the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
