Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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