i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Panties = found
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
