I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
