i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
tell me about the eggs
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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