Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
