That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
