So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
