At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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