Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
