Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
