imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I think I sprained my soul last night
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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