I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
