More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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