yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
