he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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