Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
