five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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