He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
