I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
