It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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