too bad you live with your parents still
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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