bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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