I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
