your parents love me but you hate me
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
