Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
