WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
