sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I wish there were birth control emojis
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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