my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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