My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
