My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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