You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
