all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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