i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
