I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
